How do you differentiate between the two? How do I know if my mind is playing games with my heart or my heart, playing tricks on my mind. Can it be possible to start so young? And I don't want to be the one to make a mistake. Is it possible to reject with kind intentions? Will they hate you forever. Of course not. Why did I get myself into this. I don't know how many people actually read this, but I'm guessing not too many, so I may as well vent everything.

I dislike living like this! How do others do it? Will they last? Why am I asking all this? Is it not enough to trust in the everlasting love of the faithful God? Of course. But why is it so much harder in practice!!!

Psalm 33

Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous! It is fitting for the upright to praise Him. Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to Him on the ten-stringed lyre. Sing to Him a new song; play skilfully, and shout for joy, for the word of the Lord is right and true, He is FAITHFUL in all he does. The Lord LOVES RIGHTEOUSNESS AND JUSTICE, the earth is full of His UNFAILING LOVE. By the word of the Lord were the heavens made; their starry host by the breath of His mouth. He gathers the waters of the seas into jars, He puts the deep into storehouses. Let all the earth fear the Lord, let all the peoples of the world revere Him, for He spoke, and it came to be; He commanded, and it stood firm. The Lord foils the plans of the nations, He thwarts the purposes of the peoples, but the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people he chose for an inheritance. From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth; He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. No king is saved by the size of his army, no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose trust is in Him, to deliver them from death, to keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord, He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You!

There, doesn't that feel so much better! Now, if only I could do this everyday.